Conscious parenting has become the catch phrase for parenting mindfully. But what if conscious parenting actually means going out of your mind? Out of your mind — and straight to your heart, and gut?
Parents have the responsibility of role modeling – teaching their children the art and science of having a healthy, functional relationship. When we wonder why our children are not fairing well at home or school, often we haven’t that far to look to find the answers.
Most of us have experienced being part of a family, whether or not these families were biologically our own. Some recall these immediate families as loving, caring, nurturing and functional while others may recall a withholding or detached, less supportive environment fraught with wide and varied dysfunctional experiences. Most likely, you have experienced a bit of both – one parent, appears to be loving, while the other parent appears withholding. As Louis CK says: “not everybody gets great parents…. nobody gets a complete set”.
And what if your child did get a complete – and conscious – set of parents? What might that look like?
Every group creates a kind of family. Whether the group is intimately and profoundly personal or limited and defined by the perimeters of professional decorum, we each bring our selves to that group dynamic and play a role. Our experiences within our first family to a large extent affect how we see, feel and relate to the world. Our birth order, personality and temperament play a part in all of this, as do a myriad of forces and conditions beyond our control, such as the blueprinting of DNA. The dynasty of genetics: our parents, their parents, their parent’s parents, and on and on.
We carry a kind of history within our DNA. The blood that runs through our veins, though regularly filtered, remains contained within a body that has similar features and functions as those who came before us. The journey we each make in this lifetime, in these bodies, with these brains, is greatly influenced by all that has come before us.
Who are you now in the family, you have gone on to create, or become a part of? Are you a leader, partner, collaborator? And if so, are you leading fairly and wisely, partnering and collaborating functionally?
In order to be a healthy part or member of any family or group, working together to fulfill the needs of the group is paramount. It becomes more challenging to do this when on is not them selves independent, or able to clearly comprehend how to fulfill one’s own needs. Working towards the greatest good of others, therefore is dependent upon working towards one’s own greatest good.
In a functional family each member of the family is individually and collectively worthy. Many families, as a result of a co-dependent and\or dysfunctional model, do not provide the best instruction for this. Schools and other educational environments, can additionally contribute to a limiting belief system – one in which we are taught to perform and conform based solely upon the needs and desires of others.
To clarify, conscious parenting means parenting responsively and reciprocally, not punitively or indulgently. Practice tuning in to your self – your heart and your gut – when challenging situations arise. If you do, you will be a role model of love, wisdom and strength — an unconsciously conscious parent.
Does home feel more like a war zone?
Do you have a child struggling at home or school?
Is your young child or young adult child unable to forge healthy relationships – with them self or others?
Have you been looking for effective solutions to difficult parenting problems?
Contact Karin Yapalater @ Park Avenue Integrative Health Practitioners today for a complimentary consultation: