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Co-dependency: Breaking the destructive cycle—at home, work or school

What destructive game would you like to abandon?

We all want to feel appreciated, and we want to feel that our lives have meaning and purpose. Often we seek this appreciation, approval, and meaning outside of ourselves. Insecurities and fears are often the cause of this need for external sources of approval, acceptance and most potently, love. Fear of judgment is a powerful hinderance that keeps us from connecting with and then being who we truly are.

Who are you truly? Is it hard for you to connect with what you have to offer the world? The courage to renounce the pacts of codependence is not easily obtained. Codependence is acting in a manner that creates a situation that is mutually harmful to all concerned. Out of fear, an instinctive response to dig in and fight or escape and take flight occurs. When we give in to our instincts without discrimination, we are not fully utilizing our gifts or talents. To break the patterns of codependence it is necessary to first become aware of what is going on. Emotionally and physically. What is the fear? Acknowledge this fear. Understand it, what causes it and how it might be overcome.

There is a part in each of us that takes comfort from clinging to the past and our old stories of pain and suffering. We often carry and use these stories as excuses for inappropriate behavior. In order to break free of the impulse to act out or the need to be acknowledged and accepted by others at all cost, we must first stop, and acknowledge and accept ourselves at all costs. We must act from a place that acknowledges who we truly are—free of the past and future. Fully present. Fully mindful. Fully aware …. in—dependent and yet well on the way to a collaborative, reciprocal path of inter—dependence.

Who we truly are has nothing to do with where we come from or the work we do. Who we truly are goes beyond all such labels and identifiers.

Who we truly are is the source of love. Free from the burdens of assumptions, judgments and expectations.

Feelings of fear and anger can cause us to behave inappropriately, to yell, say hurtful things, to be vengeful or spiteful or worse. Our true intention—to protect ourselves or others—is lost. All that is seen by others is the behavior—the way in which we seek to protect or control that which frightens us.

Understanding and acknowledging emotions is the first step to unlocking the door of self awarenessOne of the characteristics of this time of transformation is the deconstruction of what is false. This falseness is going away, but there is part of you that wants to hold on to it. The universe is clearly showing you that some patterns need to fall away, but part of you wants to hold on to them.”

Need help?

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Karin Yapalater MFA, CHHC, AADP
Board Certified Individual & Family Health & Nutrition Counselor
Park Avenue Integrative Health Practitioners
715 Park Avenue • New York, NY 10021
Phone: 212-737-1818
Email Karin

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